Falling Apart
by Lady Sidera
Summary: Rodney isn't dealing too well with the emotional aftermath of Trinity, and Sheppard's lack of trust in him. Then he gets some unexpected help from Teyla. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Falling Apart**

Summary: Rodney isn't dealing too well with the emotional aftermath of Trinity, and Sheppard's lack of trust in him. Then he gets some unexpected help from - Teyla.  
Central Character(s): Rodney and Teyla.  
Category(ies): Angst, Smarm.  
Placement: During and following "Conversion".  
Rating: PG for a little violence, and some very minor language.  
Spoilers: "Rising: Part I", "Underground" (sort of), "The Storm" and "The Eye", "The Defiant One", "Hot Zone", "Sanctuary", "Letters From Pegasus", "The Gift", "The Siege: Parts I, II, III", "The Intruder", "Runner", "Duet", "Trinity", "Instinct", "Conversion", and sort of _SG-1's_ "48 Hours".  
Friendship Focussed: Rodney and Teyla; John and Rodney, but discussed rather than actually seen this time.  
Episode Based: Missing scene and Epilogue for "Instinct" and "Conversion". Very "Trinity"-oriented as well.  
Author's Note: I started writing this as an "Instinct" tag, but then expanded it to cover "Conversion" as well. I really wanted to show Rodney and Teyla getting closer and sticking together even though John was having all kinds of problems... It's _very_ sappy! ;) It's sort of a study in how far Rodney's come in the last few of years of his life, and of his post-Trinity mindset in particular. And I guarantee that any Rodney fans will watch Instinct and Conversion a lot more attentively next time around after reading this:)  
Warning: This does contain some derogatory comments about Beckett, Weir, and Dex. So if that upsets you or makes you angry, you might not want to read this. Granted, they're pretty brief (well, except for Dex), but if you are big fans of these characters, you will probably get mad. So when you all start sending me e-mails saying how much you hate me, just don't say I didn't warn you. ;)  
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me in any legal sense at all. Please don't add insult to injury by suing me, because I'm sure not making any money off this stuff. And please don't use my story without asking, because that, at least, _is_ mine! ;)

A/N cont'd: Thank you so, so much to everyone who reviewed Awake, And Sleep No Longer (including the lovely Elisa... I read your reviews more times than you did my fic!). And for those of you who asked: There _are_ more Vestra stories planned for the future. Just be patient! ;)

This fic is more along the lines of Friend In Need - minus the whumping. Sorry. :( And John's not actuallt in it either, and I'm really sorry about that... (Tries to stop sudden exodus) But it's still good - really! For those of you still here after that last line, I'm posting this in three chapters so that it's easier to navigate, but it was really written to be read all at once, so I'll post the whole thing right off. I really hope you all like it, and reviews are, as always, very _very_ much appreciated!

* * *

The grey waves slapped against the Ancient City of Atlantis, and the grey clouds above mocked the hope of sunlight and happiness.

And on a dull metal balcony of one of the less-inhabited regions of the largely deserted City stood one Dr. Rodney McKay, his eyes and jacket matching the dreary theme of his environment. It was one of those few days on Atlantis that was truly overcast, and Rodney found that the tone complimented his mood quite nicely. In fact, if anything, he felt more dismal than the day looked.

He'd come out here to be by himself, really by himself, so he could let his mind wander over his life, his mistakes... To try once again to make some sense out of the mess that was his current state of existence.

Everything had been so _wrong_ lately, and all Rodney wanted was to make it right, and yet he was helpless to do so. And now Sheppard was in the infirmary with God knew what wrong with him. Rodney knew it was bad, very bad, whatever it was. Didn't really matter. He couldn't stop it, couldn't ever do anything right any more.

He leaned into the chill wind that was picking up, and shuddered as he was reminded of the Storm... He wondered if he would ever be able to go out on a cloudy, damp day and _not_ think of the Storm.

He sighed, unconsciously favouring his right arm as he shifted his position against the railing. That had been less than an Earth year ago, and yet it seemed so far away now. His physical wounds had healed in about a month, and, thanks to John Sheppard - then a Major, not Lieutenant Colonel - so had his emotional injuries.

Sheppard had made him feel really _wanted_ - important somehow other than scientifically - for the first time in his life. He'd really believed it for a while, that Sheppard cared. That his whole team did.

He'd been... happy. He'd had that priceless commodity: friends.

But then the Wraith had come, and the world had fallen apart. Atlantis had won - oh yes, and such a victory. Rodney snorted a mirthless laugh, and closed his eyes tightly against the bitter wind and the stinging tears. So many had been lost... Peter. Ford...

And Ford wasn't even dead. Not physically, anyway. But the young, exuberant, joke-cracking Lt. Aiden Ford was gone, perhaps forever. Rodney still had nightmares about that day. The panic, the crack of a gun in his own hands... The betrayed, murderous look Ford had sent him... Still Aiden somewhere behind the violent insanity. Lost and hurt, and Rodney had shot him.

Rodney gulped, feeling sick.

Sheppard hadn't been there then to tell him what he should do. He hadn't been there when Kolya had tortured him either. Both times, Rodney had screwed up. Horribly.

But Sheppard had still seemed to care. After the Siege, after P3M-736, Rodney could have sworn Sheppard was still his friend, that he still had his trust to a certain extent.

And now... Rodney had screwed up again. More horribly than ever before. Probably more horribly than anyone in the history of the human race. _Huh, trust Rodney McKay to surpass them all,_ he thought sarcastically, and then cringed at his own choice of words.

He had had Sheppard's trust, Rodney saw that now. Sheppard had been the friend, the brother he'd never had. And now he'd lost it all. It had been there, though. Rodney still believed that. The Major _had_ cared. Too bad the Colonel didn't.

And Rodney couldn't stop caring. He'd left his friend in the infirmary when it had been clear he wasn't wanted, and hadn't been able to think of any other excuses to stay. What was wrong with Sheppard's arm? That was the puzzle, wasn't it; or rather, how come there _wasn't_ anything wrong with it all of a sudden.

Rodney knew it was illogical - just another feeling. He tried to ignore feelings, they weren't scientific. He had a lot of feelings, and if he followed them all - well, that just wouldn't be rational. It had been a long time, though, since he'd had this sense of overwhelming doom, especially at this magnitude. It had been building since he'd first heard about the Wraith on the mission. And now it had come to a head at seeing Sheppard's arm: bloodied but completely whole.

He couldn't explain it, and therefore refused to trust it. But it was still there, nagging insistently at the back of his mind.

And Sheppard still wouldn't let him help. So Rodney had run off to be alone. Somehow, he felt that something was going to happen... And that it was his fault for failing back on Doranda.

Project Arcturus... It was supposed to have been the rising star of the Ancients' civilisation, but it had turned out to be the downfall of everyone involved in it. And ten thousand years later, it had been the death of a man named Collins and the newest scar in the growing collection of Rodney McKay's emotional traumas. His ever-lengthening list of lost friends, and irreparable failures.

If Rodney didn't know better, he would say the Project had been cursed. But it wasn't that easy.

Rodney knew that had been his fault. He hadn't tried to excuse himself to anyone, least of all the Colonel. He'd apologised left, right and centre. He'd tried to be good about it, to be mature and... and everything. He'd hoped it would be all right; if not immediately, then someday. That they could get past it, that _he_ could, with Sheppard's help.

Every day since the planet had gone up, taking most of a solar system with it, Rodney had heard Sheppard's words ringing in his ears: _But... I'm sure you can do it. If you really, really try._ Rodney had taken that slim chance of comfort to bed with him, but he had cried more than he had slept that night. Over Collins, and over Lindstrom, Dumais, Hays, Johnson, Abrams and Gaul... Over all the times he himself had failed at the cost of others.

God, he didn't want to lose Sheppard, too...

He needed John Sheppard. Rodney had never liked to admit that he needed people. He had even spent years, decades of his life trying to pretend that he didn't need anyone. Hoping that if he pretended hard enough, he might believe it himself and stop being so miserably lonely. But he couldn't pretend any more now, didn't really remember how to do it; he didn't even want to if he could.

He had grown dependent on his little family. And now that he'd finally learned what it was like to have people actually care about him, they were all being taken away. Ford was gone. Sheppard was not the man he had been a mere week ago; he was a cruel, cold, angry shadow of the older brother Rodney had known. And the hairy person of Ronon Dex added only insult to the many injuries.

_It should be Ford, not Dex._

Rodney wasn't sure how much more he could take of missions like this last one - the first one since Arcturus. Walking along, pretending there was something normal about this, when everyone knew nothing was right. There was no team left any more.

Once, he might have thought about quitting, asking to be taken off the team; but not now. Somehow, the past year had taught him how to hope even in the face of obvious catastrophe. He'd never really been able to do that before. He always knew the odds, the time, the chances - always spelling doom so nearly certain, it could be scientifically termed inevitable.

And yet, somehow, they'd always made it. Well, he had. Peter hadn't, nor had Ford.

And he and Sheppard almost hadn't either, and that would have been Rodney's fault. And now...

With Arcturus, apparently, Rodney had finally crossed the line. He'd truly thought that he and Sheppard had something better than that. And not without reason: Rodney had screwed up badly enough in the past. So many times, so many lives lost, so many irreparable failures... But Sheppard had always forgiven him. Rodney had stopped trying to understand it, and just happily accepted it. He'd never taken something that wonderful for granted, though; at least there was that.

Maybe blowing up a solar system, asking for his friend's trust and then being so completely wrong had showed Sheppard that, in the end, Rodney McKay really wasn't worth anything.

Rodney was beginning to think so himself.

He'd never been one for people - they were too unpredictable, too chancy, too easily unkind. He'd separated himself from the rest of humanity from a very young age, and he'd worked to keep it up ever since. He'd thrown himself into science, thinking it was safer because he could predict it. That he could use his brains to make people respect him, because no one would ever really _like_ him.

It was round about the time he'd been assigned to Antarctica that he'd realised just how lonely he was. Science, when all was said and done, was not anything like human companionship, and therefore no proper replacement.

In his desperation, he'd opened up just a little - and made some friends. Carson and Elizabeth for instance.

The thought of these two brought him back to his present train of thought. _So much for them..._

Carson hadn't been very understanding about the whole solar system thing, to say the least. In a way, Rodney couldn't blame him - or any of them - but all the same, something inside of him was hurt, disappointed, and angry.

And Elizabeth... Rodney sighed again. As much as he'd love to blame her current behaviour on the Arcturus fiasco, he was well aware of the fact that she hadn't been the same for a long time now. Somehow, somewhere along the line, he'd lost her respect. He still didn't know how that had happened.

But Sheppard... Sheppard had stuck by him through it all, more or less. There had been a few bumps, of course: the infamous Chaya incident, for one. But they'd always gotten through it, either with words, or without. It had never really mattered after a little while.

He'd felt Sheppard knew him, and he knew Sheppard. That had been the security, that there were no new surprises about Rodney's flawed character for his friend to find out, because he'd already seen them all and still cared. But now Rodney was beginning to doubt that they'd ever really known eachother at all.

How had he disappointed Sheppard that much? What was there that he didn't understand? Because Rodney knew he didn't understand something. He hadn't expected this. It didn't make sense, unless everything he'd thought he'd known about himself and the Colonel had been wrong.

Rodney rested his forehead against one tightly balled fist, trying to work it out. He wanted to fix things so badly, had thought he could. Just like he'd thought he could fix the Arcturus project. Maybe this was the same: people were inherently unpredictable. You could never fix them, never make them behave properly or know what was coming next. Never could trust them.

Rodney didn't know what to think after this mission. Sheppard had seemed fairly normal at first, though he'd rather ignored Rodney's significant glances at the obvious _Doctor Who_ lines being exchanged. But Rodney had sort of expected that. It hadn't been so bad. And he _had_ thrown Rodney a sideways glance when remarking, "We're just travellers."

But then something had gone wrong. Maybe it had been Rodney's loudly-voiced doubts about going after a Wraith. Yes, he'd been afraid; but that had been no reason for the Colonel to give him the looks he had. They'd bordered on scornful, and Dex's blank, condescending stare hadn't helped either.

It had wounded Rodney that Sheppard so obviously trusted and respected Dex when he so obviously had no faith in the man he'd considered his best friend up until a week ago. Rodney had baited Sheppard, trying to get him to talk, to admit that this was a crazy idea, to even say something less than fanatically praiseworthy about Dex. He'd been humiliated and smacked upside the head for his pains.

_Why the hell had Sheppard done that?_

The fact that the whole situation had brought back memories of the Super-Wraith incident hadn't helped either. Back then, they'd been friends. Sheppard had trusted him - God only knew why. He'd just recovered from the whole Storm thing, in which he had failed pretty badly. Telling Kolya the plan to save the City... _Nice one._

But Sheppard had been there for him then, let him know he cared, that it was all right. It hadn't made any sense, but Sheppard had said it, so Rodney had believed it. And then they'd gone to that damned planet, and Gaul and Abrams had died... Rodney would never get over that in any normal sense of the term, he knew. But the fact that a certain Major Sheppard had told him on the way back to Atlantis that he wasn't alone had helped immeasurably.

Rodney had echoed that sentiment to Ford on P3M-736... And had ended up shooting him, driving him away when he needed help. He was so obviously a failure as a friend, why did he have the arrogance to wish someone else would be a friend to him?

Though he'd been told time and again that arrogance was not something he was lacking in. As if he needed anyone to tell him that! Did they think he didn't know his own character? That he wasn't all too familiar with his many shortcomings, his hard-to-get-along-with traits? Did they really think they were telling him something new?

Please.

That's all most people ever saw of him, and then they had the arrogance themselves to assume he didn't realise what was so obvious to them. He had avoided people, acted abrasive on purpose for years and years. People were stupid, and selfish, and so very unkind. Now he'd seen that some people could not only be kind to him despite all his defenses, they even kept it up after they knew him better.

He didn't understand it. But it was there... _Had_ been there anyway. And Rodney had responded to it, gotten sucked into this whole friendship thing despite how dangerous he knew it was. Well, now he was paying. He'd listened to his feelings over his reason. _Not so smart after all._ And worst of all, he knew that if he and Sheppard ever got through this... He'd do it all over again.

Rodney had grown so dependant on not being alone... After the Storm, Gaul and Abrams, the Siege... Things hadn't been the same after the Siege - how could they? Rodney had thought his best friend, his brother, was dead, gone the way of everyone else he'd ever failed. It had been war, and neither of them had fully recovered from that, maybe never would. Rodney had closed it all up inside with Ford, had pretended it didn't exist, prattled shallowly to ignore it until the pain went away. He thought Sheppard might have been doing this, too.

No, it hadn't been the same, but people were always changing. They had had a little fun on Earth, though recent events had made that "homecoming" a hard one. And the trip back in the Daedalus, though long and boring at first, and fraught with panic over a Wraith computer virus towards the end, had been easily bearable because he and Sheppard had stuck together. They'd helped eachother. It hadn't been bad; not like this.

_"And hunting Wraith?"_

Rodney cringed as Sheppard's voice played back in his head all too clearly. With the many reminders of the Super-Wraith, this had been a blatant slap in the face. Sheppard had told him once that he was impressed with the way Rodney had emptied two clips into the monster, and stood up to it the way he had.

_Maybe he was lying._

Be that as it may, Rodney had been proud of himself, in a pathetic sort of way, that he'd earned his superiour's approval in something involving military training. He'd worked hard enough at it after Kolya, certainly.

And now, when Rodney tried to follow his team going to hunt another Wraith, he'd been told to stay with Beckett. Written off as worse than useless. Sheppard didn't want him.

_"And hunting Wraith?"_

He'd seen Sheppard had remembered the Super-Wraith, too. And it had been the deliberate hurt of the dismissal and the manner of delivering it that had made Rodney stay without arguing, not the logic of it. If Sheppard thought he was that useless, what was the point of arguing? He knew he'd really be no good anyway, so if no one wanted him, he didn't want to come.

And of course, Carson hadn't wanted him around either. Why would he? So Rodney had gone outside to wander and kick some trees. Oddly enjoyable, even if it did hurt your feet a bit. Sometimes the bark flew off in pieces, which was nice. He'd managed to identify the species that he could do the most damage to pretty quickly, and had gone after them more than the others.

He'd been tempted to shoot holes in them, too, but that would have brought company, which was the last thing he'd wanted since they didn't want him. Would have been pretty hard to explain, too...

And he'd cried a little out there. Rodney had gotten very good at not crying back when he was a boy, had prided himself on it. It only made things worse, at least in public. But now he always seemed to be crying. The sting of salt in his eyes right now wasn't from the ocean spray.

Purely by chance, he'd been able to do something useful, spotting the villagers out for a stroll. He'd been unsure of his voice because of the tears then, and was quite certain he'd never be able to direct Carson by radio to the random, rather distant point he'd wandered to, so he'd run back. The release of energy had felt good.

He'd called Sheppard on the radio to tell him, one of the few times he'd talked to Sheppard at all during the mission. The Colonel had sounded normal. But what was normal about the fact that he consistently called Teyla, Beckett, _anyone_ instead of Rodney if he had something to say? And was it normal that of the few times he'd said a word to Rodney other than an order, it had been instigated by Rodney first?

Maybe that's why Sheppard had hit him, because he'd talked. _"Shut up, McKay."_

He'd been volunteered by Carson to go hunt Wraith then. Sheppard hadn't had a problem with that. _Bad, bad idea..._ Rodney had almost died out there. It was really quite astonishing that he hadn't, actually. Carson Beckett was notoriously inexperienced with guns, and inherently fearful of anything that made a flash and a bang. It was lucky that Evil Ellia hadn't been too interested in either of them at the time.

Or maybe not so much. Maybe it would have been better for everyone if Rodney had died back there.

There hadn't been much reaction from Sheppard when he'd come running up with Teyla and Dex after that. Carson had told the story, briefly. Rodney hadn't said much at all, watching for any signs of... concern, relief, _something_ from the Colonel. He'd gotten nothing; as far as appearances could be trusted, Sheppard couldn't have cared less about his former best friend.

He'd felt like giving up then and there. But somehow, he couldn't.

And then Rodney had been told to stand and do nothing again, nothing except watch a man die while his friend went off to hunt Wraith Version 2.0 - Now With Additional Updates! Again reminiscent of the original Super-Wraith... Only this time, there had been no hope at all of Sheppard listening to him if he told him not to go. And even if Rodney had gone after him to save his life, Sheppard wouldn't have wanted it. Probably would have hit him again or something...

Rodney didn't think he'd have been able to help anyway, not now. He knew he had always been a coward, and a weakling - why else would he be out here crying right now? But something outside of himself had given him the strength to work past that in some of the crises when he'd needed it. But not this time, not any more. Something vital was gone.

Sheppard's faith in him was lost.

Sheppard had come back with an arm that looked like it had been torn by a tiger... There'd been only a curt "Fine" in response to Rodney's almost involuntary, "Are you all right?" He'd still refused to look at or speak to Rodney as he was rushed to the infirmary, followed by Rodney who had conveniently discovered a splinter that had probably been there for hours. Rodney didn't know where he'd gotten it - maybe kicking trees. Or scrambling for his life from a starving Wraith.

It didn't matter. He'd mostly wanted to make sure Sheppard was all right, maybe let him know Rodney still cared enough to hang around. Finding out that the soldier's erstwhile copiously bleeding wound had mysteriously healed had given him a very nasty feeling.

_Werewolves._ That's what it reminded him of. Rodney had once heard that when a werewolf bit you, the wound healed immediately, without a trace. Only, you were already infected... Rodney shivered, refusing to follow the nagging train of thought.

Apparently, Sheppard had almost died, had run off by himself when Teyla had gotten hurt. _What had he been thinking!_ But Ronon Dex had saved him, leaving Teyla alone in the process. Not much of a choice, really. Rodney had always thought that that was why you had four members to a team, so you could split up in pairs.

But then there wasn't really a team at all anymore, was there?

Sheppard, Ford, Teyla and himself. They'd been a good team. Too bad they'd lost it all.

The team had all fallen apart since Ford had... left. And now Rodney was falling apart himself without even one other person to hold on to.

_You're not alone._

He hadn't been then. For the first time in his life, he'd really believed he wasn't alone in the Universe.

But it had lasted less than a year. Sheppard had been his final remaining lifeline... And now Rodney felt that, even if he hadn't lost the Colonel's friendship for good, he was about to lose him forever anyway. Something was very wrong with Sheppard, and Rodney knew it and dreaded whatever was coming... But he couldn't stop it, wasn't even allowed to help his best friend if he could.

Now he was truly alone again.

And then Rodney let the tears come... For everything he'd lost through his own fault, and everything he had yet to lose. Crying again, for the umpteenth time in a week, violent sobs wracking his body. Cursing his own weakness as he banged his fist into the cold metal railing again and again, irrationally hoping the physical pain would assuage the mental.

It didn't. But after a few minutes, the tears slowed a bit, and Rodney stood there gazing uncaringly at the grey, windy ocean, and letting the last of the deluge wear itself out in streams down his unhappy face.

It took him a moment to register the soft whoosh of a door opening behind him, then he turned in a panic at being discovered.

Teyla stood there, obviously surprised to see someone else on what should have been a deserted balcony. Rodney blinked at her, then drew his jacket sleeve across his eyes to try to hide the evidence, and looked back towards the ocean, hoping she hadn't noticed.

"Oh. Hi, Teyla."

_Thank God it wasn't Sheppard._

**

* * *

**

_Author's Note: Okay, on to the next bit..._


	2. Chapter 2

**Falling Apart** - _Chapter 2_

Author's Note: I really tried to get Teyla right in this fic, particularly in this chapter, as this is where I go furthest into her thought processes. I really hope it woked well... Heads up, here comes the sap! ;)

* * *

Teyla stepped out of the transporter, and headed down one of the hallways of Atlantis towards her chosen destination: one of the more secluded balconies of the many in the Ancient City. 

This specific balcony was quite large, and had been discovered by Teyla and the rest of her team a few weeks ago. It was also located off one of the lower levels of the City, making it more isolated, and perfect for some solitude.

The recent mission had worn Teyla out in more ways than one. Dr. Beckett had declared her knock on the head to be nothing serious, as she herself had thought, but she was tired. Even more, she was trying to recover from the emotional trauma resulting from her recent experiences: after feeling more of a kinship than she liked with Ellia, seeing the girl become the very thing they both feared most had brought some very uncomfortable memories to the surface.

The shock of finding she had a biological connection, however slight, to the Wraith she so hated was still fresh in Teyla's mind. And as these feelings weren't something she was eager to confide in someone else, even someone she trusted, she had decided to go somewhere on her own to think them out.

Coming to the door she was looking for, she reached up absentmindedly to activate the controls, causing it to open.

She stopped midstep though, when, instead of the deserted scene she had been expecting, she saw a familiar figure standing there in the misty grey outside.

For a second, he didn't seem to notice her, and continued to stare motionlessly out to sea. Teyla was considering leaving her teammate to his brooding and going to find another balcony when the sound of the door seemed to belatedly sink in, and he whirled around, the guilt on his face no less obvious than the tears.

Teyla decided not to leave after all.

Rodney turned back again quickly, swiping an arm almost casually across his face as Teyla watched.

"Oh. Hi, Teyla." It was said in the light tone Teyla had come to recognise as an indication that Rodney was trying to hide some deep emotions that were running too near the surface.

Unsure if she was welcome, but wanting to help her friend, Teyla asked, "May I join you?"

"Uh, sure," he responded in a surprised, almost welcoming way. Then Rodney snorted derisively, and added, "If you _want_ to."

Teyla nodded and walked over to the railing, hearing the door close behind her. "I do," she said simply.

Teyla waited a moment, letting the wind play over her, blowing through her hair. When Rodney said nothing, but continued to stand silently, teary eyes turned unseeingly out into the foggy distance, she decided to start the conversation.

Teyla reached out impulsively and placed her hand on her teammate's arm. "What is wrong?"

Rodney's head turned very slightly at the touch and the words, and for a split second his eyes met hers and she saw gratitude. Then it was gone again, replaced by something unreadable. He opened his mouth, seemingly about to answer - but then he just sighed instead.

"Rodney. Please tell me." She had only just started getting into the habit of calling him by his first name, and he appeared to like it. It would almost have seemed wrong to address him any less personally at this point. Really, Teyla had seen so much of Rodney McKay in the past year, she felt closer to him than she ever had to many of her own people whom she had known all her life. And she knew how vulnerable he was.

She now hoped that whatever was bothering him, he trusted her enough to let her help him, as she knew he trusted Colonel Sheppard.

"I just..." he started, with another unconscious swipe at his face. "I make so many mistakes..."

One usually so-precise hand came up clumsily to cover his eyes. Teyla wondered if it was to conceal his emotions from her, or to hide himself from the world.

She took a deep breath. He was trusting her by trying to answer her question, begging for help in the only way he ever would - indirectly. Now it was up to her to be worthy of that trust, and she hoped she could help him.

"Everyone makes mistakes, Rodney," she tried gently.

He cut in then: "But I - I've gotten people killed, a-and hurt..."

"As have I and Colonel Sheppard," she reminded him, then faltered as his eyes went strange at the mention of their CO. _Was that what this was about?_ "We are at war," she reminded him.

Another sigh from her companion was the only response.

Teyla decided to try another tactic. "Colonel Sheppard will be fine, Rodney."

This made Rodney blink in surprise, then frown irritatedly. "How do you know?"

Teyla raised her eyebrows. "I do not... But I _trust_ that he will be all right." She was shocked as this rather commonplace statement prompted Rodney to stare at her as if he'd seen a ghost.

"Rodney," she said, more insistently this time, "what is wrong?"

The scientist closed his eyes and bowed his head as if in pain. "He doesn't trust me any more." This time, Teyla waited for him to go on. "Not that I blame him," Rodney said wearily. "No one should for a second, but I... I..." He shook his head. "It hurts."

Teyla's eyes widened. She'd stumbled into much deeper waters than she'd expected. And she was frankly astounded that the usually obsessively-private Rodney McKay was almost inviting her into his personal sorrows.

She knew that he was telling her hoping for comfort - probably hoping to be convinced that he was wrong. Teyla was fairly sure she could do that. Yes, she knew about the rift that had grown between Rodney and nearly everyone else in Atlantis since the Arcturus incident. Rodney was oddly silent now and then, and Teyla had caught Sheppard glowering to himself for no reason several times. But she was absolutely positive that this wouldn't last. Rodney and the Colonel were like brothers, as everyone on the Base knew. It would take more than the Universe held to separate the two of them.

"Colonel Sheppard is still your friend," she told Rodney firmly.

Rodney's mood flashed into anger. "Yeah? Then why won't he talk to me, huh? Why'd he leave me behind when he went off to save the jolly peasants from a little Wraith girl gone bad? Why does he act like I'm so - so _worthless?"_ His gaze, demanding and desperate, turned to meet her own.

Teyla had noticed that John Sheppard had been more... moody since the Siege of Atlantis. He wasn't the only one: many people had suffered, herself included, and were trying to come to terms with the deaths of so many friends and colleagues. And then there was Aiden... It made sense that the near-loss of another of his friends would drive Sheppard temporarily over the edge.

"Colonel Sheppard... has had a lot on his mind. As we all have, since the Siege."

"I know." A simple statement of fact.

"It is nothing to worry about," she coaxed.

At which point, Rodney sort of exploded.

"No, dammit, it's everything to worry about!" He slammed one hand into the railing with a force that made Teyla jump. "I - I almost killed him, and now what if... If he... I don't even trust myself any more, for God's sake, but this is my fault, as usual, and if Sheppard dies..." He ground to a halt. "He's the only person who ever really trusted me, and I've lost that... And now..." He gulped, eyes searching the blank grey sky for something. "I _need_ to have the chance to earn that back."

Teyla took a moment to collect herself, trying to decide how best to respond. "First of all, Colonel Sheppard is not the only one who has trusted you." She looked up at him with a small smile, seeing the childlike, beseeching plea for comfort on his face. "I trust you even now."

Rodney's expression lightened at that, and with an almost startling sincerity, he replied, "Thank you."

She gave a full-blown smile in return. "And also, there is no reason to panic for the Colonel as of yet."

Rodney turned away, but his tone was more conversational now. "You heard about his arm?"

"That he was wounded, and then the injury had seemed to heal itself?" Rodney nodded slightly in confirmation. "Yes. But we do not know that this is anything to be alarmed about. He may be... fine." She moved to lean against the railing next to him.

"Yeah, I just -" Rodney gestured with one hand. "I don't know, it feels like something's wrong." He then started muttering something so low, Teyla could only make out the word "silly".

"Dr. Beckett will inform us of any developments," she said reassuringly. "In fact," she went on, "the Colonel and I are scheduled for a sparring match later today. Both you and Dr. Beckett will hear about it if Colonel Sheppard exhibits any unusual behaviour."

Rodney nodded. "Thanks."

"And I am sure that you have not lost his friendship." Rodney winced but didn't respond. Teyla continued, trying to get a positive reaction from her teammate. "It may be that you are... worrying over something very small. It is possible that -"

"He hit me."

"What?" Teyla blinked, thinking that this couldn't mean what she thought it did.

"Back on the planet. He hit me." He lifted a hand to rub the back of his head ruefully. "It hurt, too."

Teyla was more concerned now. "Why would he do that?"

Rodney's hands went up in a gesture of helpless confusion. "I don't know! That's part of what I've been trying to figure out..." He seemed to pull himself to a stop, getting back to the facts. "I was talking about how insane it was to be hunting a Wraith in a hundred-square-mile forest. I was afraid something would go wrong, but Sheppard... He - he said Dex could do it no matter how impossible it seemed."

Teyla was unable to keep her face from darkening at the mention of the Satedan, but Rodney didn't appear to notice.

"And I asked how, and Dex said something about having good hearing... And then he just - hit me and walked away," Rodney finished, looking very hurt.

Teyla took a deep breath, at a loss. "I do not understand why he did that."

"Neither do I. I mean, I know he's still mad at me, that makes sense, but this..." He rubbed the back of his head again as if he could still feel the sting of the blow, but then dropped his hand awkwardly, and laughed bitterly. "He's probably been wanting to do that for a long time."

"That is not true," Teyla hurried to point out. "You know that, Rodney."

He shrugged. "Maybe not before, but I don't think you've been getting the latest headlines on The Colonel Sheppard Story."

"Colonel Sheppard has not changed." Rodney didn't look sure. "He is your friend. Do you really believe that he is so angry with you for your mistakes that he will never forgive you?"

"I... Maybe." He met her attentive gaze, then turned away, blinking rapidly. "I don't know... I just - don't know! I can't account for the facts."

"I cannot explain it either," Teyla admitted with a sigh. "Perhaps... He is only worried."

A snort of blatant disbelief. "About what? _Me!"_

"It is possible," Teyla told him firmly.

"Well, I don't see why," Rodney said with conviction.

"I believe that we cannot understand what he is going through," Teyla put forth, thinking of the few glimpses she'd had of Sheppard's dark past.

"Yeah, well, that's nothing new for me," Rodney said, sounding more pathetic than sarcastic now. "I try to understand people, why they do what they do, and I think I do sometimes... And then, they do something that just doesn't make any sense." He hung his head. "And then I'm back where I started."

Teyla could understand this. She had known many people, and there had been instances where they had turned out to be far less than the friends she had thought they were. And perhaps that was really Rodney's problem now, she realised. Perhaps, with his history of loneliness, it was hard for him to truly believe that he finally had someone he could trust to stand by him through anything. And she felt a rush of sympathy with him that he had to be so frightened of losing everything he cared about in his life. That he couldn't help but believe that someday, sooner or later, everyone would desert him.

She reached out and took his unresisting hand in her own. "We are your friends, Rodney. No matter what happens, that will never change. More than friends, we are family. No mistakes can take that away."

She smiled up at him, putting as much conviction as she could into her words, striving to relay how much as she felt them. And Rodney looked down at her, his hand cold and limp in her own, his eyes saying as clearly as words how much he wanted to believe her, begging to be convinced.

So Teyla did the only thing she could: she pulled Rodney into a hug. He stiffened for a second, but as she continued to hold him, he relaxed, then returned the embrace tightly. Teyla felt his head fall onto her shoulder, and he let out a long, relieved sigh.

They stayed like that for a few moments, then Rodney loosened his hold, and backed off, wiping away more tears.

"Thanks. I... needed that," he told Teyla softly. He lifted a corner of his mouth in a sort of miserable but sincere attempt at a smile.

"You are welcome, Rodney. Remember what I said."

"I will." And Teyla knew he meant that with all his heart.

"Colonel Sheppard will return to normal, and until then..."

Rodney laughed, a little less sarcastically this time and scrubbed at his face with his hands. "We go crazy? Like everyone else?"

"No," she smiled. "We will be the sane ones."

Rodney quirked his eyebrows at her almost embarrassedly, then his eyes darted elsewhere. "You sure I can handle that?"

She squeezed his hand for a second. "Yes, I am sure."

She looked back out to sea then, watching the wind playing with the water, tossing it up into spray, changing the direction of the waves... Constantly altering the shades of grey in the dull world.

She turned to see Rodney's earnest grey gaze regarding her thoughtfully, and raised her eyebrows in a wordless question.

"How do you do it?" he asked. "You're always so - strong. No one would ever think there was anything you couldn't take and still stay so... calm. And I - I just... lose it."

"I am not as strong as I try to appear," Teyla found herself admitting, though it was the last thing she would have thought she would ever voluntarily tell someone. But she knew that Rodney would neither blame her, nor despise her for it. And she hoped it would help him. "And I believe," she continued, "that you are stronger than you think you are."

"I try to be," he told her, his face unusually open. "It's just, sometimes I can't take it any more, and..."

"We all have those times," she told him sadly.

"I know."

"That is why we need friends: to help us when we cannot help ourselves."

Rodney raised his head as if this had explained some deep question to him. "Yeah... I thought I'd lost that. I thought I was alone again."

"You are not," she assured him. "And you will never be as long as Colonel Sheppard or I are here."

"What if he dies?" The softly-voiced question took Teyla by surprise.

"We will not let that happen," she answered immediately. "He is our friend."

Rodney glanced over at her, and Teyla saw hope dawn in his eyes at her obvious conviction that what she said was true.

"Right," he answered with a weak grin.

"And now," Teyla said briskly, "I believe I will go inside for a short rest before I go to spar with the Colonel. And I suggest you go inside as well. It is rather cold out here."

Rodney blinked. "Hm. So it is. I hadn't noticed." He instinctively wrapped his arms around himself. "I think I will, uh, go in, actually." He looked down at himself, realising something. "My jacket's all damp."

Teyla smiled. This was more like the usual Rodney McKay.

"Good," she said, and placing her hands on his shoulders, she lowered her head in the embrace of her people. After a moment, she felt the gesture returned, then looked up to see Rodney throwing her a lopsided grin.

"So I'll, uh, see you later then, Teyla," he said.

"Yes," she smiled, resisting the urge to tell him to make sure he changed out of his damp clothing and got some sleep. She knew the latter was all but hopeless anyway.

For a second, Rodney looked like he wanted to say more as well, but then he just nodded to her and went inside.

Teyla stole one last glance over the railing at the ocean world outside, and noticed the clouds seemed to be clearing. Even as she watched, the waves brightened and took on a little more colour. Teyla smiled, hoping the same went for the lives of herself and her friends.

At least she had made Rodney happier. He had needed to be told that there was someone there for him should he ever feel alone or helpless. And, Teyla reminded herself, she needed to remember that, too.

Teyla left the chill balcony and the lightening ocean behind and walked inside. She shook her head, realising that she was thinking of Rodney as if he were some small child who had come to her for comfort from a bad dream in the night. Well, if he needed someone to take care of him, then she was happy to do so. She could do that without having to decide which she felt most like now: his friend, his sister, or his mother.

Teyla laughed at herself and her overprotectiveness, and went to her room for a nap, glad that that balcony hadn't been empty after all.

Whatever happened, she and her family would hold together through it all.

* * *

_Author's Note: Right, one bit left - my mandatory infirmary scene. ;)_


	3. Chapter 3

**Falling Apart** - _Chapter 3_

Author's Note: If Rodney seems a bit out of character in this chaper, it's because he's feeling unusually okay, as I said below in the fic. He does come across as almost disturbingly reasonable, but I think that that makes sense under the circumstances. Lots of thinly veiled anti-Dex sentiment in this chapter as I sort of had a field day... Any Ronon fans - you probably want to turn back now! Of course, if you're still here after the first couple chapters, then I guess you can probably stand it. Seriously though, I don't want to offend anyone. Everyone has their own opinions, and their likes and dislikes. I don't like Dex, but that's just me and my own opinion. Which is why I issued the warning in the first chapter, because I know I don't like it when I read bad things about characters I like, so - sorry! And you have been warned.

Anyone who's still with me - read on... :)

* * *

It was dark in the infirmary, the lights dimmed. Which wasn't terribly surprising as it was after 1:00 AM, and most of the inhabitants of Atlantis who weren't in bed were staying away from the patients who needed their sleep.

Rodney walked into the area just outside of the infirmary which had long ago been designated the Waiting Room. He went straight for the infirmary doorway, and peeked in, trying to catch a glimpse of Sheppard. Between the lack of lights and the fact that John had curtains completely surrounding his bed, he didn't have much success. He toyed with the idea of sneaking in (the infirmary was off-limits tonight by order of the Chief Medical Officer), but saw that Beckett's office door was open and in full view of Rodney's intended destination. He decided to hold that thought.

He turned back towards the reasonably-comfortable chairs... to see Teyla sitting in one of them, smiling up at him.

"Rodney," she greeted.

"Teyla, hello," warm and awkward at the same time, if that was possible. "Sorry, I uh, didn't see you when I came in."

"So I noticed," she said smoothly. Rodney blinked at her in slight surprise, then saw the teasing quirk to her mouth, and gave her a grin. She took one hand from around her drawn up knees to pat the chair next to her own invitingly.

He didn't need to be asked twice, and settled in for the rest of the night.

"I had to finish up some work, which is why I was, you know, not here earlier," he explained, not quite meeting Teyla's eye. The truth was that he had needed a slight break from all the people, and had just wanted to be alone for a few hours so he could break down and do some mind-occupying research, planning to come back when there were fewer people to stare at him.

"I understand," Teyla answered. And, turning to look at her, Rodney thought she really _did_ understand. Not just his cover story, but the real reason he had left. Teyla seemed to understand a lot of things, and Rodney liked that. That way, he didn't have to actually say them, which was much more comfortable.

They'd seen a lot of eachother over the last few days, when Sheppard's life had been in danger. After their talk on the balcony, it had been understood that both of the Colonel's best friends should stick together, and they had done that. It had helped Rodney immeasurably, and he hoped he'd helped Teyla as well... Though he hadn't really known anything to say. And honestly, he hadn't felt very hopeful. But still, he had learned that everyone needed friends, if only just to be there for them, and Teyla was no exception to that universal rule.

He felt much closer to Teyla now than he had a mere week ago. Not that he hadn't liked her before, or trusted her - of course he had. She was his friend and a member of his team. But he felt that she knew him better now, and he'd learned more about her as well. It always took Rodney a long time to really get to know people, and frankly Teyla was such an amazing person that it had always intimidated him a little. The past few days had finally helped him to get past that.

Right now, Rodney was in one of his best moods. He felt almost... peaceful. Which never happened. But Sheppard was getting better, it was the middle of the night, he had no immediately panicking projects, and no one was here but Teyla - possibly the one person in the entire Pegasus Galaxy whom he knew wasn't mad at him at the moment. The fact that he hadn't really slept more than a few hours in the last week might have also been a factor in his somewhat euphoric mood.

He felt good. Which was really, really unusual, especially recently. Conversation would be nice, he thought.

"So, you been here the whole time?" Rodney asked, breaking the silence. When Teyla nodded, he went on, "Did you get any dinner?"

"Yes," she smiled, "Dr. Beckett had someone bring me something."

"Good." Another pause, then, "What about Ronon?"

"He left some time ago," Teyla said, her face again taking on the sort-of-neutral expression that Rodney had noticed her employ whenever she spoke about the runner since their excursion to Belkan. Granted, there had been a little more anger in it before... It wasn't the sort of face Rodney would have wanted Teyla to direct at him. "I... thanked him for his help in saving Colonel Sheppard," she said slowly.

"Yeah..." said Rodney. He supposed he should really be a little more enthusiastic, but he didn't like even stunners pointed at his friends, really, and Dex always seemed to enjoy shooting a bit too much... It made Rodney nervous. Besides, he still couldn't help but think that it should be Ford, and he just didn't find Ronon Dex all that... likable. But Sheppard liked him, so there must be something in him, and it wasn't his decision anyway. "He, um... It was a good thing he was there when he was," Rodney said guardedly.

"Yes," said Teyla, matching his tone.

Rodney glanced at her, thought for a second, looked away, and came to a conclusion. "Look, ah... I don't mean to be prying or anything, and if this is inappropriate of me to ask, then obviously, you - you don't have to answer..." He could feel Teyla's gaze on him, but didn't look up. "It occurred to me afterwards that I was sort of - really selfish out on the balcony a few days ago, and -" He raised his eyes and saw encouragement, which equally embarrassed him, and gave him the nerve to go on. "What I mean is, you obviously came out there for a reason in the first place, and... and if you want to talk about anything... Ronon, o-or the mission, or - anything..." he floundered.

He turned to watch as she leaned back and took a deep breath. She seemed to consider something, observing her teammate out of the corner of her eye. Then she sort of shrugged, and said, "Ronon and I... did not get along too well on Belkan. It has been weighing on my mind."

"I'm sorry," Rodney said, more honestly than he usually managed. "What happened? Was it the trade negotiations, or...?"

"That... was the start of it," Teyla admitted. "In order to obtain a better bargain, I was attempting to convince the Belkans that they were asking too much in trade. This way, when I was finally 'forced' to agree to their terms, they would not push for a better deal," she explained. "It has worked well before."

"Right, that makes sense," Rodney agreed.

"Yes. But Ronon took my bluff for truth, and decided that he should... step in to rescue me from my own ineptitude." She raised her eyebrows in a slightly rueful expression. "He made them agree to the deal I did not really want, and there will be consequences later."

Rodney made a sympathetic face and blinked. "Yeah, he doesn't strike me as the negotiating type."

"No," Teyla smiled despite herself.

"You said that was what started it?" Rodney asked curiously, sensing that there was much more to this. "What happened then?"

Teyla looked hesitant. "I am not sure I should tell you..."

"Oh."

"You must not tell anyone else," she clarified quickly.

"Well, does Colonel Sheppard know?" Rodney had to ask, unconsciously lowering his voice to a conspiratorial whisper.

"No. No, he is the one person I certainly cannot tell," Teyla told him, shaking her head.

"Okay. Well... I promise I won't tell if you don't want me to. If you can trust me with that," he added a little uncertainly. This was reminding him of the few times he and Jeannie had gotten in trouble together and had been forced to share a confidence. It had always made him feel sort of... special. But he wasn't going to ask for anyone's trust again, not after what had happened that last time...

"It is not a matter of trust," Teyla assured her friend with a smile.

"You don't _have_ to," Rodney hastened to point out to her, wanting to warn her before she made a mistake, but torn because he really did want to redeem himself somehow, to help someone. "Only, if it'll make you feel better -"

"I think I would like to," Teyla decided, and immediately launched into her story. "You have heard that a few hundred of Ronon's people survived?" Rodney nodded. "One of these was named Kell. Ronon informed me that this man was his trainer, and that he was like family." She paused, then continued, "The day we were to leave, he heard this Kell was on Belkan, and asked me to arrange a meeting for him." The anger was surfacing again in her eyes now, and Rodney wondered what the end of the story would be that could make Teyla look like that. "I did so, and when Kell came out to see us - Ronon killed him."

"What!" Rodney displayed utter, wide-eyed shock.

"I was - surprised myself," Teyla said darkly.

"Well - why did he do that?" Rodney all-but squeaked.

"Apparently Kell had caused the deaths of thousands of Satedans in order to protect himself during the last culling of their world," she said, glaring. "Ronon considered it a matter of personal revenge."

"Well, okay, but he had no right to use you like that," Rodney said angrily. God, no wonder the man was always alone if he used all his friends to murder people! "He shouldn't have brought you into it at all."

"Yes, I was... very angry that I had been used as a tool to kill a man. I told him then..." She sighed. "I told him I understood why he had killed him. But I do not." She shook her head. "I could never do such a thing. He was unprepared..."

Rodney shook his head and blinked. "I see why you can't tell Sheppard."

"Yes."

"So, did Ronon apologise?"

"No," Teyla said with another glare.

"He should."

"Yes."

There was a short pause as they both considered the chances of Ronon actually apologising this long after the fact.

"I hope _I_ haven't offended him!" Rodney suddenly added, his eyes going wide again.

This brought a laugh out of Teyla. "Yes, so do I!"

"No, seriously, I mean, I knew he was trigger-happy, but this is above and beyond. I cut in front of him in line at lunch one day..." he went on, partly genuinely nervous, and partly trying to get another laugh from his companion.

"I am glad I told you, Rodney," Teyla told him with another pretty smile.

"Oh. Good," Rodney smiled back, genuinely glad he'd helped someone for once. "So, is that why you came out on the balcony after the mission? I sort of thought -" He faltered, but then decided to push on while he was still in the mood. He hadn't messed up so far. "I mean, I thought perhaps you were... upset about, uh, Ellia."

Rodney had been disturbed himself by her metamorphosis; he would have been more disturbed, except that he'd tried hard not to think of her on any personal level before. She was a Wraith after all - you knew it couldn't end well.

But Teyla, Rodney knew, had definitely viewed her as a person, as she did everyone. And he was sort of afraid that she had seen something of herself in the girl. And watching her as he asked, he was sure he'd been right.

Teyla's face had fallen, and her eyebrows had come together to form a troubled frown. "You are correct," she answered in a weary voice. "She wished so much to escape what she was, and though we tried to help her, in the end our efforts were all in vain, and worse."

She took a deep, slightly shaking breath, and continued. "I felt that she was similar to me," she told Rodney earnestly. "I too have a connection to the Wraith that I would rather disown, but at least I have been able to use it to assist others. I hoped - I did not want her to have to give in to her true nature. I felt I had a duty to help her to be a good person despite what she was."

She looked at Rodney with dark eyes and shook her head. "And in the end, I could not. And we nearly lost Colonel Sheppard as well."

"I know..." Rodney said, his eyes wandering to the doorway again. He pulled his thoughts back to Ellia. "Really, I guess, she was proof that you can be a good person no matter who or what you are." He cocked his head to one side, unaware of Teyla's intense gaze turned towards him. "I mean, even though she was a Wraith, she tried to be something more than an evil killing machine. And she was. But, I mean, you can't fight physics, and I think that who she was was eventually overcome by _what_ she was, physically. But that doesn't make _who_ she was any less good or important."

He thought about Sheppard, and what his friend had almost turned into. All that was John Sheppard would have been gone, leaving only an animalistic body which had once belonged to a human being, a person, a friend. "What she became wasn't her fault, and if her altered biology buried her soul, that doesn't mean it was never there. It's the choices you make that make you good or bad, and if your actions are beyond your control, it's not your fault."

Teyla listened as Rodney waxed unexpectedly eloquent on the subjects of physicality versus spirituality, and free will. Her lips parted and her eyes widened as she understood what he was saying, and his words put her mind at rest. She was herself, and the Colonel was himself, and no biology could destroy who they were, even if it might take their choices from them.

Rodney finished his discourse, and suddenly became aware of Teyla staring at him. He promptly shrank into himself, feeling very self-conscious and wishing he could disappear. But Teyla gave him her loveliest smile, and nodded. "Thank you, Rodney. That was very... helpful," she said sincerely, as if she couldn't find a word sufficiently expressive of her relief and gratitude.

"Oh, y-you're welcome," Rodney replied, turning a bit red, and trying to sink further into his chair. Then he shot a furtive look at Teyla, really somewhat pleased that he seemed to be doing things right for a change. "Anything else you want to tell me?"

Teyla cocked her head to the side, thinking. "No, but I may later," she decided.

"All right." His mind turned back to the Colonel, then he stopped and realised something. "You know, you never did explain what _exactly_ the Colonel did that was so strange in the gym." He glanced over at Teyla, and was surprised to see that she was definitely and unmistakably blushing.

"That is something better left untold," she replied in a low but firm voice.

Rodney narrowed his eyes at her, trying to figure out what exactly would make her look like that. But he quickly turned away when she gave him a distinct "Drop it" glare. Even if it wasn't a case of respecting her privacy, it was always a bad plan to cross Teyla.

"So you want to bring some cards and maybe play poker here tomorrow?" Rodney ventured a few minutes later.

"I would like that," she answered, brightening up at the mention of John's favourite game.

"I'm glad he's going to be okay," Rodney added quietly, expressing both their thoughts.

"So am I," agreed Teyla.

"I guess... you were right," he said. "We will always make it if we stay together. I mean - it just seemed like we were all falling apart." A broken expression filled his eyes for a moment, then was banished back to the depths. "I know I was, and the Colonel was so..." He waved a hand around, trying to find a good word, then gave up. "It seemed like there was really nothing left."

"I know," Teyla agreed. She had felt it too, but she had enough experience to know these things did wear themselves out eventually, whereas it all seemed to be new to Rodney.

"I'm glad I was wrong," he said softly, then decided it couldn't hurt to go a little further. "I wanted to say... Thank you. For being there," Rodney told Teyla sincerely. He looked into the distance and shook his head, remembering the darkness. "I thought I'd go crazy..."

"You are welcome, Rodney. As I said," she smiled at him, "We will be the sane ones. Time and care will return Colonel Sheppard to us as he used to be."

Rodney smiled happily at the thought - and the fact that he believed it now. "Yes, I think you're right."

They sat a while longer in companionable silence, until Rodney noticed Teyla starting to nod off. He got up and grabbed a couple of blankets from a pile that someone had been intelligent enough to put out in the waiting room. Teyla opened her eyes in sleepy surprise as Rodney covered her with one of them. Then she just smiled her thanks, and snuggled down into it gratefully.

Rodney wrapped the other one around himself, intending to stay up a little longer and think. But the chair really was surprisingly comfortable, as was the blanket, and he'd thought or talked out everything really important for now. So it wasn't long after Teyla's head fell down to rest against his shoulder that his own eyes had closed as well in the first proper sleep he'd had in over a week.

Sheppard would be okay. Teyla, for one, was still his friend. He would have the strength now to carry on, helping the Colonel through his recovery, and hopefully earning back his trust and his friendship as well. He'd learned that he hadn't lost everything after all.

He'd found that though it's so hard not to fall apart on your own, if you have even one person to hold on to, together you can build back almost anything. He wouldn't forget that lesson.

Tomorrow would be a brighter day.

**The End**

* * *

_Author's Note: Okey-dokee, all finished now! I really hope those of you who read this enjoyed it. And anyone who has anything at all to say - please send a review! I'd really love to hear what any and all of you think, even if it's not to say it's great... Though, I have to say, I might love that more. ;) Yeah, yeah, flattery is my weakness... But as I was saying, I love every review I get, so do tell me what you thought!_

_Au revoir! I'll be back soon..._


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